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Marriage legal bond between a man and a woman as husband and wife. Most men in Bangladesh marry before the age of 35 and women before the age of 25. According to a study conducted by icddr,b in 1996, the mean age at marriage for girls in the rural areas of the country increased from 16.6 in 1975 to 20.8 in 1992. Increase in the mean age at marriage allows young people a greater exposure to non-familial activities including education and exploration of labour market. Also, under increasing economic hardship, the family preference is for slightly older girls who can undertake household duties. Among both Muslims and Hindus, there are three main features of the traditional form of marriage: (1) the proposal of marriage is initiated by the bridegroom's party, (2) the marriage usually takes place at the bride's home and (3) marriages are arranged by the parents, relatives, friends or acquaintances of the parties concerned. There are, however, certain differences in the Muslim and Hindu marriage practices. Among Muslims, mahr or dower, a certain amount of money must be paid by the bridegroom or his family to the bride. The amount is specified in the nikahnama, the legal marriage contract. Among Hindus, the bridegroom is required in certain cases, to pay a certain amount known as pan or 'price' of the bride to her father. The amount of mahr, as well as of pan is fixed through a negotiation between the parties of the bride and bridegroom. In fixing this amount often references are made to such amounts in the cases of other married sisters or cousins in the bride's family. The bride's party usually claims a high amount of mahr. But the groom's party often scales it down. Part of the mahr is payable on the day the marriage takes place and this 'prompt' payment is made usually in the form of the value of ornaments brought by the groom's party as gift to the bride. The remaining part of mahr, designated as deferred, is payable to the bride later. Full payment of mahr at the time of marriage is welcome and in fact, is practiced by rich families in some areas. In the case of pan, the whole amount is paid in cash at the time of marriage. According to the Islamic law, marriage (nikah) is a civil contract that aims primarily at procreation and legitimisation of children. Any Muslim of sound mind on attaining puberty or maturity (sabalakatva) may enter into a contract of marriage. There is no institutional arrangement for birth registration in Bangladesh and birth registration is not a legal requirement. But since registration of marriage is a requirement in law in the country, it is customary to record the age at marriage to be at least 18 years in the registration documents executed by the government-appointed Muslim Marriage Registrar. It is difficult to challenge the validity of this arbitrary practice because any person in the country can obtain a certificate of birth on payment of a small fee and then get it attested by a Notary Public. Hindu marriage rituals are formally conducted by a priest. In case of a Muslim marriage, usually a moulana, (cleric or a person well versed in religious norms and practices) conducts the rituals, while kazi, a marriage registrar does the job of formal documentation. Often, the kazi performs the duty of the maulana too. The moulana confirms the consent of the groom by talking directly with him in presence of his relatives and friends while the consent of the bride is taken through an ukil, who is usually one of her senior relatives. A typical Hindu marriage ceremony has six angas or components prolonged over four days: (1) gaye halud (anointment of the body with turmeric), done on the eve of the auspicious day selected for the beginning of the marriage; (2) vivaha (marriage, or sampradan, handing over bride to the bridegroom), done on auspicious day at an auspicious time; (3) basi-vivaha (stale marriage), organised on the next morning after of the marriage; (4) uttar-vivaha (two-days old marriage), organised on the second day; (5) pak-sparsha (taking rice or food cooked by the wife), observed on the third day; and (6) punar-vivaha (re-confirming marriages), observed on the third day, or on an auspicious day after the first menstruation of the wife after marriage. Gaye halud and the vivaha are common in Muslim marriages although the rites and rituals vary in different areas and among different classes of people. Following marriage, the wife joins her husband's bangsa as a member of his parivar (family). Bangsa can be termed as a lineal family segment. A daughter belongs to her father's bangsa until she is married. She is not given any bangsa identity in her husband's parivar. A Muslim woman, upon marriage, acquires almost dual gusthi (clan) membership. She and her children are members of the gusthi of her husband and at the same time, she retains membership of the gusthi of her father. A Hindu woman, however, no longer retains the gusthi membership of her father after the marriage. In Bangladesh, marriage relations are most frequently sought outside the village, since this expands kinship relations and brings new people into the domain of kin. A family can enhance its social and economic power with the help of a wider circle of kinsmen achieved by marriage. Thus, if the match is with an influential family, it is proudly mentioned by the lineage members. Important kinsmen who are distantly related are also taken into consideration at the time of setting a marriage. Although legally banned, grooms or their parents claim dowry as a common practice in most Muslim marriages. In the past, paner biya, a marriage in which the bride is purchased was very common among Hindus. In some regions, Hindu families arranged a type of marriage known as daner biya, in which the father of the bride did not pay any dowry or accept any gift from the groom's side, but used to bear all the expenditures of marriage. At present, the incidence of such marriages
(both) has greatly declined. Instead, Hindu families now practice the dowry system that was common among Muslims. Dowry is claimed before almost all marriages in the form of a list of demands presented to the bride's father, who often runs into debt to meet the demand. The dowry claimed may be less if the bride is beautiful or of a fair complexion. In case the groom has a good earning capacity, his side may claim a higher amount of dowry. In paner biya, the marriage ceremony would take place in the house of the groom's father, who paid the bride price and also incurred all expenditures of the wedding. Usually, the bride was taken to the groom's house for the actual marriage ceremony only after payment of pan money and the presentation of gifts (clothes and ornaments). At present, the marriage ceremony usually takes place in the house of the bride's father. However, some marriages among both Muslims and Hindus also take place in the groom's house because of the insolvency of the bride's parents or other reasons. Such marriages are known as tola biya. Often marriages are arranged by the guardians and in most cases, the bride is not consulted. Factors that are taken into consideration in the selection of a bridegroom include his age, family background, income level, education, and health. The income levels of the family, however, often do not matter much in the selection of a bride if she is young, beautiful, and healthy. Both Muslims and Hindus have incest regulations. Exception to these rules may result in expulsion from the community. Among both Muslims and Hindus, consanguineous marriage is prohibited. A man cannot marry (1) his mother or his grandmother; (2) his daughter or granddaughter; (3) his sister, whether full, consanguine or uterine; (4) his niece or great niece; and (5) his aunt or great aunt, whether paternal or maternal. Among Hindus a person must not marry in the patri-family, which can be called the patri-clan in some cases. Marriage between cousins is discouraged. However, Muslim marriage rules allow Muslims to marry cousins. It is the duty of a husband to maintain his wife as long as she is faithful to him and obeys his culturally acceptable orders. A wife may refuse herself to her husband for non-payment of prompt mahr or physical and mental torture. In the culture that prevails in Bangladesh, a husband demands constant obedience from his wife often without due consideration of her genuine concerns. The wife usually respects and obeys her husband as a religious duty and in appreciation of the husband's love and care and his efforts in providing food, clothing and shelter. Sometimes it may so happen that a groom lives permanently with his father-in-law. Such a son-in-law is called ghar jamai. If the wife of a ghar jamai dies without any offspring, he has to leave the house of his father-in-law, who, however, may decide to keep him as a member of the family, often by arranging his marriage with another member of the family. According to the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance 1961, as amended in 1986, a married male can take a second wife only on the written consent of the first wife. However, the ordinance is often violated because the shariah law allows a Muslim male to have up to four wives. Divorce is not allowed in Hindu families but Hindu couples can become separated when marital adjustment is not possible. Divorce among Muslims takes place by talak. Any adult Muslim of sound mind may divorce his wife whenever he desires without specifying any reason. Divorce may be oral or written. The written document of divorce is called talaknama. A wife may divorce her husband if her nikahnama has this provision. In this case, she may claim separation and leave her husband. Reasons may include the husband's inability to become a father, his second marriage, or physical and mental torture. Following divorce most women go back to their natal houses and live as dependents. A divorced woman returning to her original family is often a burden on the latter, particularly if it is not financially sound. Also it is difficult for her to get a new husband. Sometimes a divorced woman may be taken back by her husband but according to Muslim law, she has to first marry another person, and live with him for at least three months and three days before she can divorce the new husband and remarry her first husband. The interim marriage is called hilla marriage. The system discourages both husbands and wives to divorce and induces them to try alternatives before they resort to divorce for settlement of disputes. [KMA Aziz]
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